I just finished one more Chapter. YEEEYYY!!!
In this Chapter I wrote to some people I know from earlier in Germany. I hope that when they read it they will understand me and accept my apologies and take my offer!
I just wrote one more Chapter.
I talked to my parents this morning about what I want to do this Winter break. I don’t know yet. I want my parents to come, but it is too expansive for both to come here. So I told them that I would think a little and then talk to them once again.
I didn’t know that Break can be stressful.
on tuesday (as every week) I had a talk with Kerrie and we discussed how long I want my book to be. It was really hard, because I wanted my whole life to be in this book. But I don’t think that the people want to read such a long book and I also don’t have sooo much time. We actually counted the weeks to my presentation. 16 is the number we came up with. Although, when I came home the girls said that this didn’t sound right. After thinking a little I agreed. We’ll see how it goes… I submitted my application to Goucher…… LET’S HOPE THE BEST…
Oh yeah, and this is what Kerrie and I came up with:
December 2, 2014:
Goal #1: One Chapter in “Birth” ready for Kerrie to read on December 9, 2014.
Hey all! For thanksgiving I was in Canada visiting my family. On the ride there we had various hours, so I told them stories and we recorded them. Sorry, but I don’t know how to the voice memories on my laptop. When I figure it out, I will post them.
I visited The College of New Jersey this last weekend. On Tuesday I had a ‘writing’ appointment with Kerrie. Not quite achieved that much as I wanted to… feel like I’m in a stopping point again. Lets see how tomorrow will be…
I’m really looking forward to M-Term, but first we will have the Thanksgiving break. Lets see if I can hopefully get something written down than!!!
YUHAJJ!!! I don’t know exactly how long I was writing on this chapter, but now I finished it. I translated it from the german with the help from Saskia. She was typing and I was telling her what to write. Marina thought that it would be better if we did it that way which Mary and I used. We had a technique for me to be able to dictate to the computer myself. I would say to Mary what I wanted to write and she would write it on a piece of paper.
After this I would read what we have written on the paper and would dictate three words at a time so I would have no problems with editing it later. But Saskia and I thought it would be quicker if we did the other way. And fact is that I finished a chapter that I was writing a couple weeks already!!!
I finished my rubric now for real!!! Now I have time to finally write on my book without any interruptions!!! “So lets get it continued”!!!!
I was successful in the last two days. Still if I did not get to write down anything, I finished my rubric finally. Now I just have to wait for Kerrie to give her ok and then I can forget about it and just write.
It’s so weird to write your own rubric. It’s like you are being the teacher. You want to do good in your project, but you still have to write what the graders have to look for if you’re not doing well. And this is hard because you don’t see yourself doing wrong because it’s your project and you’re proud of it. Of course you will try to do the best you can. And so will I!
Now I just talked to Dale and discovered that I’m way ahead!!!!! YES!!! My Product Rubric isn’t due until November 21st and I’m done with it now!!!!
Today is Saturday. Yesterday my father went home to Germany. Although I went through this a lot (the third time already), it was a little hard. I was afraid of how it will be after he’s gone, because Saskia and Marina were never here before and don’t really know the routines that I have here in East Hampton with school and home and all that stuff. As a present goodbye And late birthday, my dad gave me a pajama, because I didn’t have a “real” one.
I decided to apply to college and next week I will start to make my application video with Dan. I am really excited!
My Senior Project is not going as good as I wish it would. I am not really getting things down on paper. Last time I talked to Kerrie I decided to make my book a collection of short stories, that at the end represent a big story. I told her that I wanted to use my M – term time to work on my project. The cool thing is, that Lisa Gillespie and Dale Scott thought the same thing, but I brought it up first. When my father heard that, he was very proud of me.
One day before he went, he asked me if I would forgive him for the times we argued about school and that I don’t do enough work. I did forgive him.
The thing with my dad is that sometimes we argue and then I want him to go away and sometimes we understand each other that well, I don’t want to leave. After the girls gave me his present, I cried. I really do miss him!
But I can see that the time with the girls will be awesome!
Me with the girls in the Halloween Party yesterday
thats not me, obviously. But I think this girl represents my feelings right now. I have to confess something to you guys. I have not been working on my senior project. But I have some good reasons for that or lets better say, I think i have some good reasons.
I DO know why I didn’t work on it last week: not only was the work load for school pretty big (the weekend was pretty fully loaded too) BUT My birthday was saturday, and I didn’t really want to do any work, but I had to do my homework anyways, because we would go into the city the next day to pick up Saskia, my second helper for this year.
Woohoo, now we are completed! Just have to wait for dad to go on friday night and than we can get this party started!!!! :)))) :)))))
But, to get back to my point: On saturday I really just did half of my work (of what I was supposed to do). Then on sunday we went to the city, where Marina and I walked about the whole day and by the end of the day we were done!!! Then we went to White Plains where my dad had been working with a friend all day.
See how much was going on!!!!
After this we went to a Brazilian restaurant, where I had the typical rice and beans and grilled meat. This was very good. I told Marina to try some of my favorite Brazilian soft drink “Guarana” (which she did), but she didn’t really like it. This made me worry that she wouldn’t like any of the desserts, but I was wrong!! We ate a “brigadeiro” (a really big one) and passion fruit moose.
By the end of the day Marina and I were both too tired to go to the airport to pick up Saskia.
So by Monday I really didn’t want to do any work, and REALLY wanted to sleep through the whole day off (parent teacher conferences). HOWEVER, my father did not feel the same way.
He ended up sending me an email and then we talked about Senior Project, and how I’m not getting things “down on paper”.
Post conversation, I was very upset with myself. And wanted to give up on doing my Senior Project all together, go back to Germany, and be finished with school.
But this feeling soon led to anger. And what you are reading now is the result of this anger. Because the thing is I really WANT to be working on my Senior Project. But things take a lot longer for me and I end up running out of time. I am trying to do my best, but I feel like it doesn’t show.
My new plan is to try to turn my M-term into a Senior-Project “Independent Study”. I brought this up to Dale Scott this morning and she said she was thinking something similar…So i might just be on to something…
Here are some pictures of “Brigadeiro”
This week was very umm…umm…stressful because of all the assignments I had in school. I didn’t get to do any work on my Senior Project and that is frustrating me a little bit. I know that I will have a different deadline than the others, but still I want to be as far as they are. That is a little bit hard for me to accept—that I need to…that I am seeing the others go forward and having the work done and I am so slow. There is so much.
I talked to my parents this weekend and I was thinking of coming back next year and doing my Senior Project then, but my parents, they would like me rather to finish it this year and move on so I can have my high school diploma. I still don’t know what to do.
Kerrie: What’s that like for you?
Stressful because I am confused as to what I have to do…a week ago I had a very serious talk with my dad that I want to include in my book. He said that–it was just a pep talk, but I didn’t feel like that. It did the opposite of what he intended to do. That really made me think. Was he right in all of that of what he said? He figured out that or better, we figured out, during this time—the school time—it’s better for me to get pep talks…I had a couple “Come to Jesus” talks, but this one was a little over the edge in my opinion.
Yesterday I had the first talk with Kerrie after the summer break. I told her what has been going on during the summer with my senior project and that I had changed my mind on how to write my book. As we went on with the conversation it got more and more emotional. I told Kerrie that I was afraid of writing the book, because of what the others will think.
When I am afraid, I feel locked up in a very narrow place. I feel alone. I don’t like the feeling of being afraid. Sometimes I am that afraid, that I can’t think about anything. Other times I am angry with myself, because I think that I should not be afraid of the situation I am in. Even if I was in the same situation a couple times, I will still be afraid. Other times I will try to calm myself. When I’m afraid I have a blockage. My brain “freezes up” and I have a blackout. I guess it can say that I am very unconfident with myself with the amount of fear that I have. A lot of things make me feel afraid, but mostly I’m afraid about people I am with not being satisfied with who I am or what I do.
There were a lot of people how made me feel “unworthy”. Sometimes therapists, but most of the time teachers I had. In almost every grade they would say that I’m not good enough. And when I was smaller, I saw children running around, playing and I would think to my self that I am not worth, because I am not able to walk and run around like they did.
I began to write my book five years ago. After such a long break I don’t know where to begin or let’s say continue. I know what I want to write, but I don’t know how to put it on paper. All summer long I was translating the chapters I already wrote in German, into English. But, I didn’t go very far. And the other thing is: during the summer I had a hard time understanding what my portfolio should look like. I didn’t have a clue, so I send what felt like 1000 emails back-and-forth with Mrs. Gillespie and Kerrie Stribling (my mentor):
The following posts I made over the summer on a different blog (because we didn’t have access to our Ross Blog’s yet.
It turns out, moving posts from one blog to another is not easy, so we are going to move backwards for a little bit. I apologize, but that is how it has to be.
In brazil I interviewed my mother about my silent time, but I don’t know why, she didn’t seem to be interested in telling that much. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she talked about this subject a couple of times with me and she does not like to talk about this over and over again. Honestly, this made me a little sad.
on monday I talked with Kerrie about what I should begin to write about in my book. I was planning on doing 45 minutes every day. But I overestimated my self because of all my other school work and I am overwhelmed and frustrated, because I did not write anything so far… I actually don’t know how to proceed so that I can keep up with the dead lines.
But, here are the notes anyway.